You knew it was coming. As much as I try really hard not to be a purveyor of gloom, there are some really awful parts to taking care of a very sick dog for so very long. Here’s what I won’t miss … at all!
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What I Won’t Miss
- Seeing my once lithe, muscular puppy-girl look like a swollen, uncomfortable blob
- The worry of having such a dangerously ill dog
- The dread that any given day may be The Day
- The stress of managing her day-to-day care — with meds required 5 times a day
- The strain of the expense and its budget-crushing reality
- Not sleeping past 4:30-5:00 am — ever
- Having feces and urine be the first thing I smell each morning (and often throughout the day)
- Feeling like I’m always covered in grossness
- Doing far too much incontinence laundry every day
- Expressing Lilly’s eliminations (both ways) several times every day (always ME because Tom can’t do it and is afraid he’ll hurt her)
- Changing soiled diapers
- Cleaning up a messy, stinky girl that I love so very much
- Walking around all day bent over, trying to help, cajole, encourage Lilly as she walks
- The guilt that all this begin with a routine rabies vaccine (well, that may never go away)
- Waiting by the phone for test results (presumably bad news)
- Feeling like I cannot leave the house for long
- Always rushing to get back home
- The preemptive heartbreak of knowing we cannot win
- Feeling like other people think I’m a drama queen
- Being too tired to do much more than work and take care of Lilly
- Feeling like I cannot have fun because there is too much going on
- Constantly having to step around Lilly who often gets stuck, visually / cognitively / physically in one spot — and when I forget or misstep, popping her in the head or mouth with my legs
Other posts in this series:
I relate to so many things on your list, as my dog Carly (2 year old Pug) suffers from meningoencephalitis too. I won’t that she can’t go outside on walks any more because she may catch something. I won’t miss taking her to the vet several times a month, as she hyperventilates in the car because she suffers from anxiety. I won’t miss laundering her “pee towels” every day. I also have to be home five times a day for meds – fortunately I work from home. I could go on and on but you basically covered it all on your list. Most of all, I won’t miss having sad thoughts about missing Carly. I try and stay in the moment, but quite frankly I hate when people tell me to do that because they need to walk in my shoes for a day and see what it’s like to love someone so much and know that they won’t make it. I’m so glad I found your website!
You’re both following your heart and doing the hard work, both physically and mentally. Hugs to you.
Heartbreaking stuff.
Hugs to you and Lilly x
<3 I can totally understand. You're doing what you can, and I know Lilly is doing the best she can… thanks for writing this. Hugs, Rox.