Lilly and I braved painful rush-hour traffic in ridiculous heat to drive 2+ hours (each way) to a consultation last night with a behaviorist at the Colorado State University’s Veterinary Teaching Hospital in Fort Collins, CO. The full written diagnosis, new drug and dosage selection, and detailed behavior modification plan is pending. And, I’m still obsessively processing (while madly cleaning my entire house) everything we talked about during our nearly 2 hour consult. BUT, here are a couple things I’m sorting through and trying to understand based on what I managed to absorb last night.
1. Wrong drug. The reason the amitriptyline didn’t fully work is that it widely targets a bunch of neurotransmitters and bumps them up just a smidgen. And, dogs like Lilly who are genetically predisposed to anxiety and who had a somewhat deprived puppyhood in addition to being quite ill as a pup have different brain chemistry issues. She simply needs a drug that addresses the couple of neurotransmitters she’s low on. (Clearly, this is my remedial understanding, but you get the idea.)
2. Too much OC, not enough CC. I’ve been doing far too much operant conditioning (task work, clicker training). I’ve focused too much on action to control her behavior caused by fear/anxiety, rather than trying to make her feel better so that the behaviors don’t happen in the first place. So, for a good long while, I’ll have to work almost exclusively in classic conditioning mode and completely relieve the pressure of asking for specific behaviors. I have to stop treating every walk, every contact, every game as a training opportunity. Simply put, I ask too much of Lilly … all … day … long.
3. Worse than we thought. Many of the behaviors I thought were happy ones at home (like the kissing fits she has) are anxiety based. So, much of the time, when I thought she was totally fine, she wasn’t. I’m having a hard time coping with this tidbit … truth be told.
After I get the full written report and have time to ponder it, I’ll write more. But, for me, those are the headlines.
Thanks, gals. I’m just having a hard time absorbing the idea that Lilly is that upset all the time at home TOO. That’s tough to hear.
It was also hard to digest the idea that I have so much power over Lilly that she’ll do things to please me, even if every bone in her body and every nerve cell in her brain is screaming NO!!!!
My poor little sweetie. I knew it was bad. I didn’t know it was this bad.
Hang in there! It’s the tough stuff that’s the most worthwhile. Besides, as one of my mentors likes to say, “If [insert favorite challenge here] were easy, everyone would be doing it.” Hugs for you and pats for Lilly!
I’m glad you were able to make it up to CSU and find somebody to help. I also think that maybe with a change in drugs and some decent advice from someone in the know that Lilly has nowhere to go but up.
I also agree (and I’m sure I’ve told you before) that you need to be a lot easier on yourself. You do so much for Lilly, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. It’s such a huge learning process, you need to cut yourself some slack along the way.
I see more reason to be hopeful than otherwise here. With the right drug and guidance from an expert, who knows what wonderful changes are in store?
Try to let go of the guilt you may be feeling because it does both of you more harm than good. How could you have possibly known any of this when it takes a DVM PhD to sort through it?
You may get your happy ending yet.