Champion of My HeartA real-time memoir about life with a fearful border collie, by Roxanne Hawn

Not the best day. Monday. About mid-morning, I locked myself in a small, dark room and fought off an anxiety attack. I had to. With a feature article deadline looming and several more in the wings, my day, my week, boasted no room for a breakdown. So, when Lilly seemed not herself Monday afternoon, I assumed she mirrored my mood.

I was wrong.

But, I didn’t know I was wrong for several more hours. Instead, I gave Lilly an as-needed xanax. Remember, she no longer gets it in addition to antidepressants twice a day every day for her fears / anxiety.

I figured with her annual wellness exam later that day … better safe than sorry.

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I sometimes wonder if I’d ever deliberately adopt a truly fearful dog again. Truth? I didn’t know what I was getting myself into with Lilly. Still, I cannot imagine missing out on all the amazing things she taught me about not just dogs and dog training / dog learning theory but also about life and love, relationships, and finding (perhaps) my true calling.

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Last Saturday, while out running errands with Lilly at my side (… well, with Lilly behind me in her crate …), we stopped at our veterinary hospital to do some counter-conditioning work after her total meltdown on our last visit. I’m going to try and make as many stops as we can over the coming weeks so that maybe her next veterinary appointment goes better.

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Lilly has been off the xanax for a month now. While at first report, she showed no ill effects, drug withdrawal, or behavior problems. Things may have changed … and NOT for the better. Lilly had a rough few days last week.

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A few months ago, I saw a discussion on Facebook between a few dog training folks that essentially blamed people who wear bait bags for ruining the reputation of positive reinforcement trainers. Personally, I disagree, but I wanted to open up the debate.

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Once in a while, everyone gets stuck. Maybe it’s stress. Maybe fear. Maybe illness, in ourselves (or those around us). When friends face what we called “stress lock” back in my college days, I typically tell them this: “Action is always better than inaction.” In other words, do something … anything … to make progress, no matter how small.

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Let’s continue our discussion about fearful dogs from a broader perspective. It’ll be VERY clear next week why I’m revisiting some of these key points. I promise, but for now, let’s talk mistakes.

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