Dear FedEx Guy

One day last week after dinner, the dogs and I wandered around the upper pasture so that they could get some supervised time outside. This summer’s rattlesnake encounters mean they get little to no time outside alone. Everything was going great, until the @#$@ FedEx guy pulled up and did about the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen.

Here’s how things went down:

Both dogs raced to the LOCKED gate, barking wildly.

Since clearly they got there much faster than I could, they had a bit of time to get really worked up about the stranger approaching them.

Their combined noise drowned out my hollering that the FedEx guy should stop where he was and NOT come closer.

So, imagine my vehement response when he bent over, putting his face at dog level, and stuck his hands through the gate’s mesh, trying to pet the dogs.

Lilly is barking and running around. All the hair on Ginko’s neck and back is standing on end, and he is snarling to the best of his ability. He is leaping and snapping at the air.

So, I run toward them, yelling even louder, but FedEx guy still didn’t get the hint.

When I finally got between the dogs and the gate, I held my hand out to the side as a gesture to the dogs, meaning “I’ve got this.” … And, Ginko snapped at my hand. He made contact, but did not break the skin … thanks to what I’d call good bite inhibition, considering the situation.

Therefore, in a modern rant form perfected by my fellow professional writers, I give you a Dear FedEx Guy letter:

Dear FedEx Guy:

How about learning a thing or two about dog behavior/body language and dog bite prevention, like your colleagues from the U.S. Postal Service.

Putting your face and your hands anywhere near a barking, upset dog is just plain stupid. Doing so right next to the sign that says “Beware of Dog” and while the owner flails her arms and screams at you, is even dumber.

That gate locks to protect my dogs from YOU, but I can’t help it, if you’re that misinformed about dog behavior to think you can “make friends” with a couple of dogs who see you as a threat.

It’s a good thing my dogs have more smarts than you do.

Sincerely,

A hacked off customer

P.S. That gate is LOCKED because one of your colleagues once opened it and drove all the way into our LONG driveway, where he awoke a sleeping dog who was NONE too happy to find a stranger close to the house.

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One of our Twitter friends sent me a link to this funny Facebook page with a  graphic explaining the many DONT’S of greeting a dog. Enjoy!