Burdens Our Dogs Carry

One of our Twitter friends (@IntuitiveBridge) recently lost some followers for essentially saying that we shouldn’t make our dogs emotionally responsible for us. The backlash stemmed from this post about separation anxiety, where Bridget said …

“Okay, I bring this up because there are people in the world who treat their dogs like their soul mates, like their bestest friends, like the loves of their lives, like their therapists. There are dogs who can handle this and dogs who can’t. If your dog exhibits signs of separation anxiety, you need to lighten their emotional load. This does not mean putting on a fake happy face. Dogs are not stupid. This means getting the emotional help and connection somewhere away from your pet.”


I share this not because I want to debate what causes separation anxiety or how to fix it, but because of the bigger premise … that we likely overburden our dogs with all our emotional crap.

And, since emotional crap is in abundant supply around here for the last 15 months or so, it caught my eye.

This I Believe

  • Lilly and I were meant to find each other. Yes, I’d consider her a canine soulmate.
  • Lilly provides support, distraction, and help (emotional or otherwise) in a way others cannot or do not.
  • Lilly is NEVER too busy for me and rarely too distracted to connect.
  • Lilly is ALWAYS at my side, even when my other go-to folks are otherwise occupied.

Wrong, Wronged, or Wronger?

So, is that wrong of me? Am I putting too much of a load on her tiny frame? Is that why Lilly has such terrible fears and behavior troubles?

I don’t think so. Not one bit.

The Stress Will Kill You

And, yet, I do worry about all MY stress wearing her down. Honestly, she seems to be doing REALLY, really well even though life at home is far from normal. It hasn’t been for a long time. It won’t be again any time soon.

Is it a coincidence that Ginko recently licked open his knee surgery scar the same week that a particular event made me angrier and more upset than I’ve been in a very, very long time? Maybe. Maybe not.

Maybe my negative energy made him antsy and licking relieved that emotion.

We lost our sweet Cody, who in retrospect was very much like Lilly, to hemangiosarcoma in 1999. That’s the year I found myself in a “dream job” that drove me to launch my full-time freelance career. I had everything I thought I wanted job-wise, and I was miserable. So, I made a BIG change and have NEVER looked back.

I’ve always wondered if my stress somehow led to Cody’s cancer. I know that sounds weird, but at the time, I did worry about it. I felt bad about it. I apologized to his spirit for it after he was gone.

Having a sleeping or playing Lilly in my office while I work definitely helps my stress level.

Better, Best, Beyond

Truth be told, I’m feeling a little weepy as I write this, thinking about Cody, other deaths in the family in the last year, and at least a couple more in the future. Perhaps that’s just the anticipatory grief talking.

Either way, I’m in no solid emotional state this very second.

Lilly? Well, she is sound asleep. I mean snoring, feet-twitching … asleep beneath my desk.

Does it help me to have her right here as I work? Yep.

Does my emotional state put a burden on her? I sure hope not.

I admit it. I sometimes sit with Lilly and just cry and cry, but most of the time, if I’m struggling with the flood of emotions from the avalanche of real life, I will spend time doing things WITH Lilly (instead of asking her to do things FOR me) like:

  • Playing fetch
  • Going for a walk
  • Doing a little agility around back
  • Having a game of tug
  • Teaching her something new

What do you think?

Do you ever worry that your emotional needs are burdening your dogs?