Champion of My HeartA real-time memoir about life with a fearful border collie, by Roxanne Hawn

For the last 24 hours, Lilly has dramatic tummy troubles every 2-3 hours like clockwork. The diarrhea came on quickly Tuesday (2/7) afternoon and got worse overnight, despite the piles of rice I fed her to bulk things up. Our veterinary specialty hospital discharge instructions warned us this might happen as a side-effect from (primarily) the steroids Lilly is taking, but also as a consequence of the immune-mediator drug Lilly needs.

It is NOT a sign of her primary disease, but instead … just an icky outcome from the now 7 medications Lilly now takes as part of her recovery from meningoencephalomyelitis (inflammation of the brain and lining of the brain and spinal cord) after having an adverse rabies vaccine reaction.

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I could use some help establishing expectations about Lilly’s ongoing struggle with anxiety. Living with a fearful dog can be a day-to-day, minute-by-minute thing, and I’m used to that. However, I’m trying to get a grip on what I can and cannot expect going forward as well as what shifts in dog behavior matter at this point.

Come May, Lilly will be 8 years old. That means we’re 7 1/2 years into her fearful dog reality as a member of our family and a good 5 years since we saw a major shift in her fearful behavior as she reached social maturity (around age 2 – 2 1/2).

In summer 2008, 8ur dog behavior modification work (combined with dog anxiety medications) got underway in earnest (after a couple of years of trying herbal and other scent-based remedies). This includes the Dog Relaxation Protocol MP3 files for which we are now famous for recording and providing FREE downloads.

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It started out as a necessity. Swamped with deadlines and a work trip on the docket, I didn’t realize Lilly was getting low on her medicine. To stretch it a bit longer, I skipped her evening dose of clomipramine (antidepressant that targets her generalized fears) for a few days. I kept it up, however, even after her prescription refill arrived.

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Maybe letting Lilly sleep in “the big bed” with us Tuesday night telegraphed that something was up. Maybe my ability to keep my worries to myself failed … because Lilly shook so hard with fear that the dog scale at the veterinary hospital sounded like an 18-wheeler going over a cattle grate.

It broke my heart, causing big, rolling tears to pour off my face and into Lilly’s fur as I tried to tell her that everything was going to be OK.

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Friday, Lilly had a rough day for no particular reason I could find. But, when it came time for her to load up for her third (and we hoped final) spider bite recheck, she threw herself to the ground and had a full-on anxiety attack.

Tom told Lilly earlier in the afternoon that she needed to see the V-E-T, so I pretty much blame him. I can say that because he doesn’t read the blog.

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Think Lilly is out of the woods on this crazy spider bite? Alas, think again. Monday, Tom helped me take BOTH dogs to the veterinary hospital. Ginko for his wellness exam. Lilly for her recheck #2. The saga is still NOT over.

Seriously.

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Tuesday morning we awoke to a debate between me and Tom over the size of Lilly’s spider bite lump. I said it was bigger, maybe 10%. Tom said it was the same as the night before. Possible surgery hung in the balance. Terrified to make the wrong decision, I waited and waited.

I groped her neck. I took pictures and flipped between the images for nearly an hour, trying to decide what to do.

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So, we now knew that Lilly suffered a spider bite and ensuing infection. But, we’ll never know what kind of spider or where or how it happened, but she needed treatment and fast.

Again, if you are sensitive at all, fair warning … what unfolds next isn’t particularly gross, but it is upsetting if you understand the potential outcomes of a fearful dog going through something both painful and scary.

You can catch up via Dog Spider Bite Part 1, Dog Spider Bite Part 2, and Dog Spider Bite Part 3 of our latest veterinary emergency saga.

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Yesterday, we continued the story of this mysterious mass I found on Lilly’s neck while awaiting a routine veterinary exam. Today, let’s move on with the diagnosis of the sudden onset (possible) veterinary emergency.

Fair warning … if you are squeamish at all.

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Not the best day. Monday. About mid-morning, I locked myself in a small, dark room and fought off an anxiety attack. I had to. With a feature article deadline looming and several more in the wings, my day, my week, boasted no room for a breakdown. So, when Lilly seemed not herself Monday afternoon, I assumed she mirrored my mood.

I was wrong.

But, I didn’t know I was wrong for several more hours. Instead, I gave Lilly an as-needed xanax. Remember, she no longer gets it in addition to antidepressants twice a day every day for her fears / anxiety.

I figured with her annual wellness exam later that day … better safe than sorry.

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Last Saturday, while out running errands with Lilly at my side (… well, with Lilly behind me in her crate …), we stopped at our veterinary hospital to do some counter-conditioning work after her total meltdown on our last visit. I’m going to try and make as many stops as we can over the coming weeks so that maybe her next veterinary appointment goes better.

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On the advice of our behaviorist from Colorado State’s veterinary school, Lilly has taken both chlomipramine and xanax/alprazolam twice a day, every day, since summer 2008. We didn’t just drug our canine heroine, though.

Helping Lilly better cope with the “scary” world at large also required hard-core behavior modification work spanning years. This includes the Relaxation Protocol, which provided the basis for everything we do for and with Lilly via training.

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Remember, my quest to get written prescriptions with plenty of refills so that getting Lilly her medications wasn’t such a hassle? Remember how it took two visits to get the prescriptions because of another emergency at the hospital? Well, imagine my frustration to find that the prescription was wrong — all wrong — when we finally needed refills.

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