Champion of My HeartA real-time memoir about life with a fearful border collie, by Roxanne Hawn

This is Bjorn ... the "baby"

A friend is facing a truly life-and-death medical emergency, so we’ve been pitching in with dog care around dinnertime while she is hospitalized and her family runs up and down the mountain. I am not a “Golden Retriever Person,” but after a few days with her three … I can see the appeal.

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After nearly 7 years, it still makes me sad to see Lilly slink off to “hide” when she is upset or afraid or nervous. The other day, I found her wedged behind the toilet in the master bathroom. I joined her, and this is what I found.

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It has been a weird summer here in Colorado. We had snow through Memorial Day. June broke cool and raining, like London — foggy and dark. And, July? Well, we had incredible rain, hail, wind, and thunder / lightning nearly every day. That’s rough going for a fearful dog like Lilly.

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In summers past, I lamented the resurgence of Lilly’s inexplicable fear flare-ups. It happens only in the summer and only in the evening. Trust me, we’ve run through all the possible scenarios. But, I have a new theory.

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Over the Independence Day Weekend, Lilly and I squeezed in some girl time for a hike. No trouble with mountain bikes on the hike-only day, but we did come face-to-face with two off-leash dogs. Not great, but it could have been worse.

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As I mentioned in Tuesday’s report about our recent hike with the girls from Cowgirl by Proxy, Lilly suffered a major fearful dog freakout on our short hike. I have several theories on why she melted down in the most unlikely place.

Fearful Dog Freakout Background

Lilly is somewhat famous for throwing herself to the ground in dramatic fashion (as if gravity suddenly got stronger right there). She curls one arm under, drops her head, tucks her tail, and flat out refuses to move.

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Friday, Lilly had a rough day for no particular reason I could find. But, when it came time for her to load up for her third (and we hoped final) spider bite recheck, she threw herself to the ground and had a full-on anxiety attack.

Tom told Lilly earlier in the afternoon that she needed to see the V-E-T, so I pretty much blame him. I can say that because he doesn’t read the blog.

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Even though I’m not a traditional mother with human kids, I like to think I deserve to get at least some of what I want on Mother’s Day. So, I brought Lilly along with us on our various visits. This meant strapping her into her seatbelt in Tom’s truck.

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Think Lilly is out of the woods on this crazy spider bite? Alas, think again. Monday, Tom helped me take BOTH dogs to the veterinary hospital. Ginko for his wellness exam. Lilly for her recheck #2. The saga is still NOT over.

Seriously.

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Tuesday morning we awoke to a debate between me and Tom over the size of Lilly’s spider bite lump. I said it was bigger, maybe 10%. Tom said it was the same as the night before. Possible surgery hung in the balance. Terrified to make the wrong decision, I waited and waited.

I groped her neck. I took pictures and flipped between the images for nearly an hour, trying to decide what to do.

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So, we now knew that Lilly suffered a spider bite and ensuing infection. But, we’ll never know what kind of spider or where or how it happened, but she needed treatment and fast.

Again, if you are sensitive at all, fair warning … what unfolds next isn’t particularly gross, but it is upsetting if you understand the potential outcomes of a fearful dog going through something both painful and scary.

You can catch up via Dog Spider Bite Part 1, Dog Spider Bite Part 2, and Dog Spider Bite Part 3 of our latest veterinary emergency saga.

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Yesterday, we continued the story of this mysterious mass I found on Lilly’s neck while awaiting a routine veterinary exam. Today, let’s move on with the diagnosis of the sudden onset (possible) veterinary emergency.

Fair warning … if you are squeamish at all.

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We began our latest tale of veterinary drama Friday, with Lilly calmly at my feet in the exam room. I asked her to join me on the bench because I wanted to be sure I could find a pea-sized lump in her neck / shoulder when our veterinarian joined us. What I found instead was much scarier.

Lilly hopped up onto the bench without hesitation. She sat there smiling, like the heavily medicated, silly girl she was. So, I began groping around her left side for the lump I wanted to point out. And, instead of the tiny hard bump I’ve been tracking for a month or two, I found a huge, squishy, swollen mass that took up the better part of Lilly’s neck and lower cheek.

Serious wave of fear pounded my already-battered emotional strength.

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Not the best day. Monday. About mid-morning, I locked myself in a small, dark room and fought off an anxiety attack. I had to. With a feature article deadline looming and several more in the wings, my day, my week, boasted no room for a breakdown. So, when Lilly seemed not herself Monday afternoon, I assumed she mirrored my mood.

I was wrong.

But, I didn’t know I was wrong for several more hours. Instead, I gave Lilly an as-needed xanax. Remember, she no longer gets it in addition to antidepressants twice a day every day for her fears / anxiety.

I figured with her annual wellness exam later that day … better safe than sorry.

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Thanks for putting up with my NYC report. As a girl who often only sees other people or leaves the mountain once a week, the trip was a big deal to me. And, to our canine heroine too. Here is how Lilly coped.

In the last year or so, I’ve taken five work-related trips. None were as long as this one. Three nights, four days … and Lilly, our sensitive girl, noticed.

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