Champion of My HeartA real-time memoir about life with a fearful border collie, by Roxanne Hawn

Not the best day. Monday. About mid-morning, I locked myself in a small, dark room and fought off an anxiety attack. I had to. With a feature article deadline looming and several more in the wings, my day, my week, boasted no room for a breakdown. So, when Lilly seemed not herself Monday afternoon, I assumed she mirrored my mood.

I was wrong.

But, I didn’t know I was wrong for several more hours. Instead, I gave Lilly an as-needed xanax. Remember, she no longer gets it in addition to antidepressants twice a day every day for her fears / anxiety.

I figured with her annual wellness exam later that day … better safe than sorry.

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I sometimes wonder if I’d ever deliberately adopt a truly fearful dog again. Truth? I didn’t know what I was getting myself into with Lilly. Still, I cannot imagine missing out on all the amazing things she taught me about not just dogs and dog training / dog learning theory but also about life and love, relationships, and finding (perhaps) my true calling.

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Last Saturday, while out running errands with Lilly at my side (… well, with Lilly behind me in her crate …), we stopped at our veterinary hospital to do some counter-conditioning work after her total meltdown on our last visit. I’m going to try and make as many stops as we can over the coming weeks so that maybe her next veterinary appointment goes better.

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Despite the germs (which linger, I’m sorry to say), I took Lilly on a little outing down into town last weekend. We went for a short walk. Lilly scaled rocks and walls. She even practiced a little shopping etiquette. Here is how it went.

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Past experiences tell us that the window over the kitchen sink terrifies Lilly. Over time, we isolated it as a sound issue. I tried, tried, tried to counter-condition it via the Relaxation Protocol and by only opening it a little bit while Lilly ate meals in the kitchen. Then, to be honest, I sort of gave up.

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Amid the distractions of real life, I nearly missed the chance to spend a day learning more about fearful dogs. It’s a total fluke that I remembered last week, but I’m glad I did. I get to study with Nicole Wilde!

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