Champion of My HeartA real-time memoir about life with a fearful border collie, by Roxanne Hawn

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When Lilly became so dangerously ill nearly a year ago, we abandoned her anxiety meds because of their dampening effect on her now troubled brain. And, we essentially stopped working on dog training issues. These days, I ask her for very little, and the results are these.

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I buy very little music, but I’ve found “Babel,” the recent album from Mumford & Sons, to be an apt soundtrack for my life. While the full context of the songs might not match my life with Lilly, many of the hunks of lyrics do. Here are a few examples.

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A blaring alarm jolted me out of bed Monday morning. I squeezed our morning dog-care routine into as little time as possible, before putting on many layers to brave the extreme cold. Alas, I ended up cancelling Lilly’s neurology exam. Here is our frustrating tale.

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Depending on where you live and work, my ideas for cutting household expenses to help pay for pet care may not work for you, but here are my Best Budget Squeezing Strategies for Desperate Dog Moms.

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As I begin budgeting for 2013, let’s look at just how much it has cost to keep Lilly alive following the onset of vaccine-induced meningoencephalomyelitis (inflammation of the brain, lining of the brain, and spinal cord).

To recap … My perfectly healthy, brilliant, strong border collie girl received a rabies vaccine January 23, 2012, and she hasn’t been the same since. It hasn’t been cheap trying to save her. Before her massive relapse in August 2012 (after our 4th attempt to wean her off steroids), Lilly’s prognosis was good. Afterwards, her true prognosis became unknown. We just don’t know how this is going to turn out or how long it may go on.

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Early in this unexpected and unwelcome journey, I began having heart-to-heart conversations with Lilly. These days, those conversations are a little different.

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I’ve always taken a lot of photos of Lilly, but now that I accept that our time may be short, I feel more pressure to capture her essence and read the messages in her eyes that I might miss in the hubbub of her round-the-clock care. Here are a few recent favorite photos of our intrepid canine heroine.

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Today is World Rabies Day, which is meant to “raise awareness about the impact of human and animal rabies, how easy it is to prevent it, and how to eliminate the main global sources.” Nine months into a life / death struggle following Lilly’s severe adverse rabies vaccine reaction, I look at things a bit differently.

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While we use cytarabine — a chemo drug with good anti-inflammatory properties for our needs — at lower doses than would be required for cancer treatment, Lilly still suffers from a dry mouth after her injections every 3 weeks. Her nose is also CRAZY dry (more from the steroids than the chemo), but not nearly as bad as in February, when she developed massive nosebleeds. Here is a recap of our solutions.

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You have our apologies for the lack of blog posts this week. Just too-too-too much going on with Lilly, with work, with my mom (who is terminally ill). Here is a little VIDEO recap of Lilly’s recovery so far.

Keep in mind that her ultimate prognosis is unknown. We could still lose this battle. This new treatment regimen could fail. BUT, for now … this is how Lilly looks and acts (much of the time). The rest of the time, she sleeps … a lot.

For now, we are simply grateful for each DAY, whether it is a good one or not.

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I am humbled and honored by your continued devotion to our troubled journey. Thanks to YOU and your chip-in help, we’ve been able to pay our bills this month. In a way, we’re starting with a cleaner slate. Not much money, but not much debt.

Sort of.

If you can ignore the nearly $16,000 we’ve spent and all the emotional and physical angst.

Amid all that, we’ve made some big decisions about Lilly’s future in consultation with our veterinarian.

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Taking care of Lilly now that the vaccine-induced meningoencephalomyelitis has reared its ugly head again means noticing what she can and cannot do. Here are a few examples you might find interesting.

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Local radio has been playing the song “I will wait…” by Mumford & Sons a lot lately. It has become a sort of anthem for me and Lilly — whether you consider it a recovery song, decision song, or potentially a crossing-over song. Video and lyrics below. See what you think.

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I’ve been told in the past perhaps I pay too much attention to the little details of Lilly’s presumed recovery from vaccine-induced meningoencephalomyelitis (inflammation of the brain, lining of the brain, and spinal cord). However, since we are together pretty much 24/7, it’s hard not to notice subtle differences. Here are some thoughts on how this recovery compares to her first recovery, right after the vaccine was given in late January 2012.

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A few weeks ago on Twitter, someone responded to one of our posts about Lilly’s vaccine-induced meningoencephalomyelitis by saying essentially this, “It’s the price we pay for having a low incidence of rabies in the U.S.” Oh, I get the realities and perils of population medicine. Yet, the comment got me thinking about money, suffering, and a potential higher purpose.

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