Champion of My HeartA real-time memoir about life with a fearful border collie, by Roxanne Hawn

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Honestly. Every time I think Lilly’s medical saga cannot get any worse, something else that’s unexpected / unwelcome happens. On top of the not-good kidney news from earlier this week, on top of figuring out Lilly still has high blood pressure (even though she has been on BP meds since February 2012) … Lilly received an accidental “overdose” of cytarabine (a chemo drug) Wednesday night.

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Friday, June 7, 2013, marks 500 days since Lilly received the ill-fated rabies vaccine that has forever changed all of our lives. Her widespread brain and spinal cord inflammation remains and requires numerous daily medications and others (including a chemo drug ~ 4 injections, over 2 days, every 3 weeks) to keep her alive. June also marks a full year since Lilly became completely incontinent (both ways). Taking care of her (and working a lot to pay her veterinary bills) consumes my every day. This is our new norm, and that’s OK … until I look at old videos and remember how strong she used to be. Then I’m super sad.

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I don’t much remember what life with Lilly was like before she got so sick with an adverse rabies vaccine reaction called meningoencephalomyelitis in January 2012. Taking care of her fills my days. Our world has gotten quite small, but we feel joy at even the tiniest “normal” thing — such as playing fetch. Here, friends, is a little video update.

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It’s official. I’ve fallen out of the habit of blogging. It’s complicated. Today, for example, my plans to finish work early so that I could clean my house (which is getting scary) got slaughtered by imminent, unexpected work demands from 3 different clients. Since it looks like I’ll be cleaning all evening, I’m trying to make some space in my brain to write a real update about Lilly. Let’s see how it goes.

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The headline is that Lilly is fine, but here is a recap of how she gave me a BIG scare on Wednesday.

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Hoo-rag (“the better bandana”) is essentially a tube of stretchy fabric that can be used a bunch of different ways. (Think Survivor buff.) At Chez Champion of My Heart, we’ve decided it’s a perfect way to protect Lilly’s shaved tummy. Because of her ongoing immune-suppression, Lilly neither sheds nor grows hair, so her post-ultrasound tummy is going to be bare for a long, long time.

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I remain befuddled by the reality that Lilly may still die from this vaccine-induced brain and spinal cord inflammation. That, I think, reflects my overall sense of optimism in life. Early on, it  never truly dawned on me that she would NOT survive. And, yet, I know I easily get bogged down by worry and not-so-positive thinking. While massaging Lilly’s back for more than an hour Sunday night, I realized that I constantly walk a tightrope between gratitude that she still lives at my side and (preemptive) grief over what her loss would mean to me.

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It has been a ridiculous week in Lilly Town. Here is a quick recap of our efforts to help Lilly recover from a terrible bladder infection. It stems from her symptoms and treatment for rabies vaccine-induced brain and spinal cord inflammation. We are now 13 months into this saga.

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Friday morning (1/25/13) around 6:45 am, Lilly had her first seizure in about a year. Then, we found an absurd amount of blood in her urine, and our veterinary team found AIR inside the walls of Lilly’s bladder. That’s. NOT. Good. Potentially life-threatening, even.

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If you’d asked me in January 2012 when Lilly first suffered an adverse rabies vaccine reaction if she would survive, I would have said, “Probably.” If you’d asked me the same question in August 2012, when Lilly’s brain inflammation returned so severely,  I would have said, “Probably not.” Now? The answer is that I simply don’t know, but I am hopeful.

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After Lilly’s massive vaccine-induced brain inflammation relapse in August 2012, we began again to rebuild her strength and her life. This time, we added a chemo drug called cytarabine … in addition to all the other immune-suppressant and seizure drugs. Lilly gets 4 injections over 2 days every three weeks. She will have her 8th cycle of chemo this coming weekend. At this point, we suspect she may need these injections for the rest of her life — however long that is.

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Over three days in early August 2012, Lilly went from a good, steady recovery to near death. Tired one day. Wobbly the next. Bordering on coma the next. Her adverse rabies vaccine reaction (massive brain inflammation) had returned with a vengeance. It had been 6 weeks since our 4th attempt to wean Lilly’s steroids. She had a few smaller setbacks when we lowered her steroid dose in the spring, but nothing compared to this total collapse.

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In part 2 of our year in review, you can see how well and how quickly Lilly’s first recovery went. Remember, at this point we assume Lilly will get better steadily and fully recover. Check out these pictures and video, and you’ll see why we were lulled into a sense of security.
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Wednesday, January 23, 2013, marks the one year anniversary of the rabies vaccine that nearly killed Lilly, our canine heroine. This whole week, we will review the year in pictures (and video). It’s a great opportunity to see how far we’ve come. It’s a great chance for those new to our story to catch up. Today, photos from the first hospitalization.

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When Lilly became so dangerously ill nearly a year ago, we abandoned her anxiety meds because of their dampening effect on her now troubled brain. And, we essentially stopped working on dog training issues. These days, I ask her for very little, and the results are these.

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