Buckle up, kids. I’m ranting today, and it’s a curse-soaked doozy.
Dear Rudest @#$@# Veterinary Client on the Planet:
I should have known when Lilly growled at you — twice — that something was afoot. Instead, I owned it and assumed Lilly’s veterinary-hospital-waiting-room worries were to blame. So, I said TWICE to our neuro team member (loud enough for you to hear), “She is afraid.”
All of us ignored you and tried to continue our conversation about Lilly who nearly died 10 days ago. To be honest, the treatment news I had just received was freaking me out … so when you allowed your dog to stare at Lilly, my protective instincts took over, and I stood to place myself between Lilly and you and your dog. It’s a reflex honed over 8 years with a truly, clinically, lifelong fearful dog.
When her brain flipped out, we had to nix Lilly’s anxiety meds cold turkey. There are times, now, when the world seems stark and threatening to her. I do my best to protect her in public. She clearly saw you as a threat — before I did.
I try not to be obnoxious about it, but that physical gesture of placing myself as a barrier between Lilly and anything or anyone that scares her so much is the best way I know to say, “Back off!” without having to say a word.
Imagine, then, my utter dismay and fury when you butted into my conversation with my dog’s healthcare provider to say that you had been waiting, that your dog required treatment in a certain time frame, that the window was closing on that timeline … oh, yes, and you had be waiting.
Your interruption upset me so much. I did NOT get to ask some critical questions about my dog’s health status and possible treatment options. I did NOT get to take full advantage of what little face-to-face time I get with the neuro team … after my own more-than-2-hour wait.
I was so upset, in fact, that I loaded Lilly in the car and drove a block before realizing that I forgotten to pay. So, I circled back, parked, and went back in … in tears.
Let me tell you something. I’d call you Princess, but you’re too old for the word and certainly old enough to know better.
Maybe referring to you as a rude @#$@# wench is most accurate.
I’ve spent more than my share of time in a specialty / ER / ICU veterinary waiting room. I’ve seen people under terrible life / death duress reveal perhaps not their best selves. I’ve seen people be horrible to their spouses. I’ve seen people be terrible to the veterinary staff. But, never in all the years I’ve lived with dogs — more than 24 years now — have I EVER seen someone be RUDE to another veterinary client.
Never.
Even when I see people behave badly, I give them the benefit of the doubt. I feel a sense of grace and sympathy for their troubles, but instead of your worst self, I believe you revealed your true self.
Why?
Because, frankly, lady, EVERYONE knew you were there waiting as you paraded yourself and your dogs back and forth, back and forth, inside and out, inside and out, in the lobby. EVERYONE saw you pitch a tremendous fit with the staff at the desk over glitch in your invoice. EVERYONE saw how they “handled” your outburst — as if it wasn’t the first time.
Here are a few tips.
- Everyone in that lobby is waiting. I, in fact, had been there at least an HOUR longer than you waiting on the same people to see my dog.
- Everyone in that lobby is spending ungodly sums of money, including those who really cannot afford it.
- Everyone in that lobby is terrified about their pet’s health and survival.
- Each of those pets is just as important as yours.
- Everyone wishes things went faster and easier.
But, you know what?
We wait, patiently and quietly as possible. We might inquire at the front desk after a lengthy delay, but we would NEVER intrude on someone else’s veterinary consult diagnosis or treatment conversation in the lobby or anywhere. NEVER.
You @#$@#, self-absorbed, narcissistic @#$@#$. I know you don’t care, but I’ve got to say it … you are NOT the center of the universe.
I’m happy to say that, despite my own worries and rampant sleep deprivation from round-the-clock care of my dog, what little grace and calm I could muster prevented me from speaking one cross word to you. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at you. I was that angry.
Should our paths cross again, should you deign to scare my dog, should you once again interrupt my time with Lilly’s healthcare team … I make no promises that my best self won’t go absent.
Sincerely,
Your fellow veterinary client
***
As an aside, I’ll share that when I returned to pay and explained why I’d forgotten, one of the receptionists told me that she’d seen the whole thing, that she’d sent another technician out to get the woman’s dog for treatment in hopes of salvaging my time with the neuro staff, and that she thought I had every right to be furious / upset.
I, myself, had a little boo-hoo at the front desk out of sheer exhaustion and frustration … and in gratitude for the sympathy and support.
***
Have you ever faced a situation like this? How would you / did you handle it?
Sorry I do not/would not show restraint.
Hi Roxanne,
My Husband will say something. He tells me I have to stop being “too nice”.
I know I wouldn’t have been up to saying something to that person. I’d probably have tried to ignore her. However, since I haven’t been in your stressed situation, I’m not sure how I would have reacted.
Y’all are in our prayers.
BrownDog’s Human
I don’t do Facebook so I’m commenting here re: Lily’s water intake and your lack of sleep. I’m on your side. Lily will survive the night without a constant source of water and she needs you to be at your best via a good night’s sleep.And isn’t there something to be said about too much urination leeching vital minerals or something from the system?
That said, “No greater love hath any woman than she who buys mass amounts of Depends for her dog while the checker at Costco has his/her own inner dialog going on. And if you say, “It’s for my dog….” (yeah, sure).
Exactly. The checkers look at you funny, for sure.
Roxanne, that just tops it all. I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through. Please don’t take this as a criticism because I know how emotional a person gets without sleep and having so much go wrong but you had every right in the world to say “I’m talking right now about something very serious and important. Please wait your turn just like I had to do.” Maybe ask the vet staff to get any talking done in a room, not in the lobby so Lilly doesn’t get anxious, which can’t be good for her or you. I hope this doesn’t happen again to you but if it does, try picturing all your commenters standing by your side reassuring you.
Thanks for that phrasing, Maery. I’ll have to practice that.
With these drop-off exams … there is no exam room. They always just talk to me in the lobby. The technician did, however, walk out to the car with me when she finally did come to take Lilly. Maybe I should have asked her to walk out to the car again when she brought her back. Perhaps a little more privacy that way.
Our next appt next week is a real one since I booked it at the end of June. That’s how FAR OUT you have to schedule a true, sit-down, exam-room meeting. So, if they do decide they need to see her every 3 weeks, I’ll almost NEVER get a real appointment in this process. :o/
I agree. I think it’s so insensitive (not to mention an invasion of patient/vet privacy) you’re sitting in the lobby, surrounded by other people and animals and the vet marches in and lays everything on you in front of clients and staff. I’ve had to help sobbing clients who got bad news and I’ve had to run out into the parking lot to do my own sobbing. Vets should definitely have a quiet place to talk to their clients (like one of the examination rooms!!) especially for the hard news.
How would we have handled it? Probably not as well as you did. I’m a large woman and my husband is quite an intimidating man, so likely one of us would have kept focus on the tech conversation and the other would have puffed up and backed the little bitch down and said something to the effect of “I know you didn’t just interrupt our conversation.” We tend to people who cultivate an air of “don’t screw with us” mainly because if we don’t we get crewed with, so that’s probably all it would take.
It sounds to me like you need an equivalent- do you have a friend willing to accompany you to help think of things you don’t or simply run interference for the little things? That would help. When you are the caregiver there’s a lot to keep up with.
All and all I think you did great and acted reasonably. Just be happy you don’t have to liver with that woman, imagine what her family goes through!
Now I am completely furious. Yes I have met people like that. Not at the vet clinic, but we all know the type. They also expect to get let in first before everyone else (who have been waiting) at the restaurant, grocery store, etc.
I am mad for you Roxanne. That pisses me off. I wish I had been there with you because I would have said something. I would have laid into her and let her know that she is not all that and a bag of chips and she should have to wait just as long as those who had been waiting long before her. Ugh!
I am so sorry this happened to you. You have been through so much these past few months. I wish people could see that there are others suffering and many standing right beside her. I am thankful for the staff in trying to find a way to let you have your time with them. I am glad you went back too.
You handled it with both professionalism and grace………most certainly better than I would have. I have been at the emergency clinic many times with both my dogs and friends and have waited hours to be seen because there were emergent, more serious cases before us. I’ve had euthanasia appts. and have had to wait to be seen because a dog was brought in after being hit by a car. Not pleasant but I’d say that was an emergency. Despite the fact that everyone thinks their dog is the most important, generally people understand and patiently wait their turn. Sorry you and Lilly had to deal with that….as if you have not had to deal with enough.
You handled it as best you could at that time. I find I am similar to you in that in the heat of the moment, I am so angry at the audacity of people that all I can muster is silence or tears. It isn’t until after the fact that I can really work through my frustration and put it into words. And thank god for written word… without it, many of us would surely go crazy.
People are innately selfish, so try not to take it personally. Just find a bit of solace in the fact that clearly – thanks to her own negative attitude – her day was a bust.
Oh my. I’m sooo sorry you had to go through that along with everything else. People can be just plain stupid. Give Lily a hug from me and Cosmo 🙂
Oh Roxanne~ what a post and what a day that must have been. I am familiar with the toxicity you describe. It is jaw-droppingly unreal at times. You know already that I’ve written about this topic. As angry and upset as you are in your post, I imagine the reality of it was actually more intense, jarring and internally rattling. Take care, my friend.
Oh how awful! Just terrible, Rox. You know my alter-ego – Flame – and she gladly surfaces when crap like that happens. I could not have restrained her in that waiting room.
Outrageous. You would have been within your rights to tell her exactly what you thought. How dare she interrupt your time with the team? You can bet she would not react well if someone interrupted HER time. So sorry this happened to you.
I am SO sorry. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt too but sometimes it’s just not there. What an ordeal you’ve had and to add this on top.
On top of dealing with your exhaustion and worry, you had to deal with that woman? Awful. Sorry you had to face that…hopefully by getting it down on paper you are feeling better. I have just one word (that can be printed) for people like that: NERVY.
I’m hoping Lilly continues to improve and sending positive thoughts your way. Sorry you had such a hard time and did not get to ask all the questions you might have of the neuro staff.
Roxanne – Lily is your baby and you have been under incredible strain for months over her health, survival and expenses. If the situation with her were different, if you had taken her in for a routine visit for instance, and you had experienced the same owner you probably would have rolled your eyes at her behavior and let it go at that. Unfortunately, with all that is on your mind this woman pulled your trigger and you allowed her to change your state and almost made your ‘best self go absent’. Fortunately, you channeled your feelings into what you know best and that is writing! Good decision.
This challenge with Lily has gone on so long you are mentally exhausted and human beings can only be depleted emotionally so much before our thought and decision making processes go sideways . Roxanne I don’t know if you meditate at all. I know I did not until I was 66 and before that I would generally react ‘in the moment’ to situations like the one you described (type A = me). However, an opportunity was presented to me one night when I could not sleep and was watching Public TV. Dr. Wayne Dwyer was on a 2-hour presentation of his latest seminar ‘Wishes Fulfilled’.I encourage you to find it and watch or order the video and the accompanying meditation CD. There is a powerful story behind the “I Am’ CD and the sounds that were recorded to help one through their meditation. All I can tell you is that these sound recordings put me into a completely relaxed and mindful state. Here are a couple of links: The Book – http://amzn.to/MJbIum
The ‘I Am’ CD – http://amzn.to/MJbQtZ
All my best wishes for your continuing journey and we send daily prayers for Lily. Linda and Reba
Thanks, Linda, for the ideas and links. I’m TERRIBLE at sitting meditation. I do better with centering work while walking or hiking or doing yoga. I just haven’t had much time for that lately. I appreciate the reminder. I really do try to be my best self and not do damage to people, even when I’m feeling angry and frustrated. I’ve just been SO tired and stressed for SO long … not just with Lilly these last 6 months, but several family members over the last 4 years that I simply feel “coped out.”
Wow, what a terrible situation. That, coupled with your exhaustion, worry, and waiting time for the neuro team definitely calls for your reaction to this rude woman. I would have been pissier than you–and would have every right to be.
I had a situation similar, but different, when Frisbee was in the vet’s office in the back during an emergency situation. Someone came in with their dog for an appointment, and was told to wait because the three vets were attending to an emergency. The person really pitched a fit, saying that the vet’s office should have called them, etc. I was in the waiting room, distraught anyway, and I said it was my dog in there, possibly dying as we speak. That person said “it doesn’t matter, we had an appointment and I don’t have time to wait around. There should be another vet available, blah blah blah”
So–I burst into tears instead of reacting as I should have… and told her to shut up and leave! (She didn’t, just glared at me.) That encounter happened just seconds before the vet techs carried Friz out on a towel to put him into my car so I could take him to the vet hospital in Longmont, and one of the vets came out to give me instructions. That was the day Friz died.
So who knows how one would react in these kinds of situations. Emotions, lack of sleep, worry, all play into it–and rude people deserve what they get, IMHO. They don’t “get it” as life is all about them.
Oh, Hilary … your situation is much, much worst than mine. I’m so sorry.
Not worse by any stretch–just different. But the emotions were raw with you, too. And I cried when I read about your situation–it evoked memories of my experiences, so thanks for letting me share (I didn’t tell anyone publicly until now). I just wish people had more compassion in this world, and would understand that life doesn’t revolve around them–flexibility is a virtue!
I think we’re at the point where it doesn’t matter what people think; you have to speak your mind and tell people point blank that their behavior is unacceptable. IMHO only, of course.
OMG, Hilary your story makes me cry too. Stupid people. At least I like to believe MOST people would be compassionate, but it only takes one to ruin it.
I can not even imagine! Hopefully the front desk person will let the team know you get extra time on your next visit. Hang in there and give Lilly a hug from us!
Thanks, Candy. Our next appt is a real sit-down, in an exam room, appointment … where we are much more protected from distractions, but I’m sure if he wants to keep seeing her often, that we’ll have more of these other kinds of appts. Typically, we have to book 8 weeks out to get a “real” appt.
I haven’t had the same thing happen to me at a vets office, but have had similar things happen to me as a teacher or different locations with RUDE people. I always don’t say anything because usually I am so surprised and I utterly can’t believe it. Later when I get home, I usually wish I wouldn’t yelled at the person, or perhaps at least told them in a nice but direct way how rude and interuptive they were. However, after thinking about it I usually come to the conclusion that even if I did say something the person is so rude they would probably try to argue or yell at me…so it wasn’t worth the frustration.
I wish you weren’t put in that situation. Good job protecting lily with the body block. She is in our thoughts!
Thanks, Jessie. I don’t even think about it. I just stand and protect her with my body.
You handled it with grace! I’m not sure I could have. You are a better person than me!! How is Lily today?
She seems subdued, but otherwise OK. Only a few potty accidents so far this morning. She is sleeping under my desk now.
I just ignore it – I’ve had those situations. It’s not worth it to waste your time and your last nerves to deal with it. Plus, when you allow yourself to get tense, your dog will feel it too and the situation is already stressful enough. They aren’t worth it, they are idiots.
Having said that, I wish it hadn’t happened. Give Lily a hug from all of us!
Sam
Me too. Thanks.